Hitting Rock Bottom is Not Enough

When you’ve hit rock bottom, focus on the essentials and confront them head-on. Keep digging into your reasoning—because once you truly reach the core, the real source of your misery will become clear. 

Your idea of clarity will shift from the tangible to the intuitive, marking the convergence of both as the point of transformation; from doubt to managing your own consent and added to that is the most powerful tool to possess,  experiencing an obstacle is the same as seeing an opportunity - a life that is meant to exist for you - you see the energy and life force not as wisdom but as your companion, without causing harm toward others who have that same human right. 

Simply put, we share the same right to exist as plants and animals.

Know your place in this timeline — your right to exist will eventually end, just as it does for all living things. There are no exceptions to that rule. It’s not easy for you or I to truly understand a human right - being alive is not your right.

Every other rule or exception is shaped by your own choices. That’s a lot of freedom — and, as history has shown us, sometimes too much freedom in the hands of a few stupid people can lead to a lot of avoidable misery and needless suffering for the majority.

This kind of clarity doesn’t usually require much force. If a so-called "revelation" comes when everything feels uphill and effortful, it's likely not the real deal.

Genuine revelations emerge after a period of challenges followed by stillness, when you've fully surrendered to honesty, accountability, and acceptance, you will experience the reveal. But the seed planted needs to do what it must do and now the seed needs to be what it needs to be - waiting is a superpower - it can be utilized by anyone.

If what feels like an "insight" shows up in the midst of chaos or fear and leaves you feeling even more confused, it's probably a false revelation.

That’s not to say there’s only one way to think about or approach the topic—it’s far too complex to easily pin down. In fact, its very nature might be designed to confuse you.

If that’s where you find yourself, stuck in loops of historical events or past patterns, you won’t be able to truly experience a revelation—because you're fixated, not free.

What led me to this moment? You must know this, and not only know it, always have it stuck to your brain and your face and really all parts of your life - it is the meaning of the fact that you have 100 percent consent over your life.

Write down: what has led me to this moment… If you cannot feel a genuine revelation of what led you to this moment then let's move on to Phase II - steps to cultivating a revelation.

Genuine revelations bring clarity and peace. They don’t try to control your path—they support it and are conscious contributors. If a realization resonates with both of your struggles and your personal growth, and it doesn’t weigh you down further, it’s likely a sign worth paying attention to.

However, if you’re seeing more obstacles than opportunities, it's wise to pause and reflect. Ask yourself: What led me to this moment? Then compare that with what is currently being asked of you. There are many ways to interpret what's unfolding, so it's not about giving a one-size-fits-all answer.

Instead, consider these starting points:

1. Look for patterns. It doesn’t matter what kind—if something happens three or more times in any sequence, pay attention and write it down.

2. Create a daily practice. Each night before sleep (even before naps), and every morning upon waking, repeat an intention or personal incantation. (More on that later.)

3. Nourish your body. Eat wholesome foods and stay hydrated—your clarity depends on it.

These moments—and the patterns they form—aren’t as elusive as they might seem. I’m not here to map out every step of my own process, but to share a few accessible ways to recognize insight. Take what aligns with your experience, and let it inform the direction you're already walking. I won’t go into every detail, but I’ll share a few common ways to recognize insight. Take what resonates and let it support your own path.

STEP 1 What Led Me to this Moment?

What you’re about to explore can offer you deeper insight into how you truly want to live your life. If, by the end of this exercise, you decide not to change anything, that’s okay too. The choice is entirely yours. 

Discovering the timeline of the events that led you to this moment is not designed to be painful but for some it will be. And that pain varies in its intensity and purpose. If there is no pain for you, then you can wait a bit longer until you feel some - then move on. Or not, it is up to you.

Stop. Right now — yes, literally stop whatever you're doing. But keep reading.

Stand up. Take a deep breath in, slowly raise your arms above your head, and hold it there… 5… 4… 3… 2… and exhale as you bring your arms back down.

Now, place your right or left hand over your heart and say aloud: “I’ve hit bottom, and I need help getting back up.”

Let your arm fall gently to your side and take a seat.

Now, take a moment to reflect and write your responses to the following:

1. I am here because _____________________________________

2. I don’t want to be here because _________________________

This stage in your journey can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours — and for some, it stretches on for days or even weeks.

You’ll need to switch into a kind of autopilot just to push through, beyond your usual limits or even your own control.

To give you a sense of what a meaningful result might look like, here’s an example. Keep in mind, the characters in this story are fictional, though there may be traces of real people and emotions from my life woven in.

I’m here because, back in 2017, my best friend of over 50 years ended our friendship. We had an incredibly deep connection — not perfect by any means — but even the rough parts somehow made the bond feel richer. I truly believed we were going to grow old together. How f***ing cool? But it didn’t happen.

I’m here now to finally take that journey I kept avoiding. To stop pretending it didn’t matter. To admit that what happened was unfair. It hurt deeply, and it sucked — plain and simple.

I don’t want to be here. Honestly, I’d rather be left alone most of the time — I’m tired, running on empty about 60% of the day. Facing this story isn’t joyful; it’s meant to tear me open, force surrender, and leave me raw before any kind of healing can begin.

I've come to realize that if I don't move on from that pain—and from a few others that surfaced during that five-year stretch—there’s a real chance I might not make it to 73. Or worse, I might just fade away into an old, forgotten man living alone on a hillside. My Thai wife, living in Bangkok, would visit every three months, staying for just a week before heading back. 

My two kids might only visit me once, twice, or maybe three more times between now and the end of my life. That’s a heavy truth to carry. When it came up, we all felt the weight of it—not just me. It stung, but it arrived at the right moment. It was a wake-up call, at least for me. I will of course continue with my annual visits, until I can no longer travel. My dad was about his mid 80’s when his ability to travel was seriously reduced and regulated to a few hours in a car per day - even that needed to be planned in advance.

The realization may have helped us reach a deeper understanding of the life we share, and the different ways we show up for each other. Instead of feeling torn by the fact that their dad is far away—or that he always seems to choose staying where he is rather than being in Canada—we were all grappling with that reality. And maybe, just maybe, starting to see it with more clarity, dignity and compassion rather than self-pity, bitterness and isolation. 

I’m truly a lucky man — my kids love me and genuinely enjoy spending time with me, and for that, I’m deeply grateful. I’m also incredibly blessed that they are healthy, love each other, and want to make a positive difference in the world. I couldn’t be prouder of them.

That realization helped me come to terms with something important: as a 61-year-old farang living in Thailand with a Thai family, I am not responsible for anyone else’s interpersonal relationships—especially not the ones between my partner’s teenage children and their parents. And to be honest, one of them is already 19, hardly a teenager anymore. 

If they want to spend time together and they’re not doing it, don’t point fingers at the farang stepdad as if I’m the one keeping their mom away. The relationship you have with your mother now is the same one you had before I came into the picture—and honestly, the same one I saw when I started dating her.

My job is to live my life, not live yours. I’m here for your mother, not for you.

I know that might rub some folks the wrong way, especially in a Thai family context. But for us to live together peacefully and with grace, there needs to be a little more leaning in—on all sides.

Likewise, when my family split and we all ended up living in our own corners of the world—still connected, but apart—I had to come to terms with something painful: I’m not responsible for the relationship my kids have with their mother or with each other. 

Accepting that felt like having my right arm jabbed with needles and bent out of shape—for years. Only recently have those beliefs stopped pushing into my life. There’s no debate, I created opportunities and then made choices.

 

It’s only grim if I choose to see it as grim. I’ve stopped thinking of things as either right or wrong, like there’s always a choice that defines who’s good and who’s bad. If that’s your storyline, you’ll always be chasing something that can’t be possessed—because it’s already inside you. You’re not lost.

When you understand what brought you to this very moment—right now—you’re ready to move forward. Think it through…our time is our creation.

You're back!

So... you are ready?

Let’s go!

STEP II Moving Past the Moment 

The experience will offer you an opportunity to see a deeper insight into what you need to know that you don't know. If, by the end of this exercise, you decide that you already know everything, that’s okay too. The choice is entirely yours.

The beautiful part of knowing is that it is a life force all on its own - knowing does not need you to know that knowing exists because it lives without you - it simply exists by life itself.

It's obvious that people have used it countless times to invent, innovate, and drive progress. Some use their power to cause great harm and other use it to good things - that later is till the majority. Now, it's time for the next level of knowing to emerge and thrive.

Revisiting the path that led you to this moment is much like extending a ladder toward the unknown; how far you ascend depends not only on your willingness to pull that hard but also on the unseen hands that hold it steady, reminding us that progress is rarely a solitary act.

There is pain. And that pain varies in its power and source. If there is no pain for you, then you will likely collapse under the weight of the ladder - then move on. Or not, it is up to you.

Moving Past the Moment…to be continued. Afterall, the bottom is not a rock.