Give Yourself the Gain of First: in the middle of the “if” that makes up life.

Being first is a selfish act. It comes across as violent and anti-communal. For us who are told that moving past childhood values and morals, you will need to see and hear why you need to stop believing that giving to yourself first can be hard.

Without your own belief, it is more than certain that you do not want to put yourself first. If you want to change yourself,

You have to change your First.

On various media sources, including social media, there has been a noticeable increase of articles, editorials, comments, postings, likes and dislikes, about the need for people to take care of their own needs, first; their own happiness first; their life first. At first, I was taken aback by such ideas. What? I thought. Isn’t that selfish behavior? Aren't we supposed to give to others first?

This is the place where we must transcend our childhood trauma or create our own values and establish ourselves as someone who believes in my First Scary? Absolutely. If you decide to make a change, the odds of being alone are so high that most people back down and go along to get along.

To be able to give yourself the gain of First you must do everything you can to sustain your gains and cut your losses, starting now, that you will not see in the next life. How do we know whether they are a gain or a loss?

Think about two things.

One, the things that I now have, what was the goal to get them?

Two, is what I am doing now moving me toward a goal?

Write down your knowledge and respond to those two questions. Write them down now.

Remember that because of habits, a goal is not without its built-in flaws. Far too many miscalculations have brought you to a place where you know exactly what you must sustain and what you need to let go. No one else can tell you.

By examining your choices under the knowing scope of those two questions, you will know what you need to do to put yourself first. Your gain is you but you are also your greatest loss. There is no reason for ambiguity. If you don't know yet, you have not answered those questions honestly. Go back and try again.

Do you want to continue to live in uncertainty? Not likely.

To get past uncertainty you have to change. Changing your habits is the most powerful tool that you possess because you can change habits if you want to change habits.

Habits will change you. Desires will oppress you. Dreams will break you. But habits will create you. Habits are born from consent. You asked to be here, in this life, take responsibility for your choice to exist. No one asked you to be here and no one will ask you to leave, it is unconditionally your choice.

Your habits are the manifestation of knowledge and your discipline is the frequency that rises from your knowledge. Resonate within that frequency and you will manifest the life you want. It might not be the life you hoped for or the life you dreamt of, but the life you have now is a manifestation of your habits. To change your life you must change your habits.

I will use my own story purely to illuminate my point, not to glorify myself.

I was able to quit smoking because I changed my habit. It is not what you are thinking. I didn't change my smoking habit. I could not do that because I loved smoking too much. I changed one habit. I told myself that I did not want to spend money on cigarettes.

With that new knowledge and belief, I was able to stop buying cigarettes. That is how I stopped smoking. I changed my buying habits. I was not a cigarette buyer, therefore I was no longer a cigarette smoker. I am still a smoker. I just choose to not buy cigarettes.

You can do the same with other habits. Once you face the source with honesty, you can change anything.

If I am a sex addict, I won't stop having sex. I stop pursuing the paid sex act. I stop being a consumer of sex. Paying for sex, not just monetarily, but emotionally too, is the key to stopping being an addict. Gambling is the same. I don't stop gambling by not going to casinos or not doing online bets. I stop gambling by deciding to refuse to risk money on a losing bet. Alcohol is the same. If I chose to buy alcohol, I am declaring that I am ok with drinking alcohol. I am still an alcoholic but I chose to not waste money on alcohol.

Most people agree that addiction is a liability, not a gain. However, the trouble starts when people believe that to gain you have to take risks first. No! To gain you have to put your First, first. Is that a mind-wrecker?

The gain is cultivating habits that bring you closer to you being First. If you place yourself first, there's no reason to put yourself in harm's way. Why would you do that?

Imagine that you walk into the line of fire; they aim and pull the trigger, you fall over dead. Unless you have suicide ideation, why would you put yourself in the line of fire? Gains and losses are the same and as they are the same, the ability to Give Yourself the Gain of First is crucial to getting what you want. Do you want to be in the line of fire (loss) or at the front of the line (gain)?

This model offers the greatest gains and the highest loss at the same time. This is commonly known as the get-rich-quick scheme. That is the heart of not putting yourself first. Some can do it and it works. Others try and lose it all or get caught and end up in jail or jumping off a building; leaping off a building puts you last on many levels.

The habit of seeking gain before measuring loss causes you to be in the impulsive Unknown sphere. You act before you know the script. But it can be avoided. You have the tools. I will show them to you. Are you ready?

I am going to rewrite the first paragraph: place your hand on your heart and say out loud

Being first is a selfless act. It is a gentle and communal caring act. Giving to myself my first First is critical, especially for us who are told that moving past childhood values and morals, goes against productive beliefs.

I declare my own beliefs, this makes it certain that I do want to put myself first. I will change my habits because I want to change my First. To be of service to life, I will take care of my own life. Ultimately, because I put my gains first, cutting my losses, I can sustain giving to others. Without this, I will not exist and my losses will consume me. I am more than a blip in the middle of the “if” that made up my life. This is my life First.