Disrupting Belonging? Reflecting on Why I Am.

Recently, I listened to a Podcast from Alan Olsen titled Charles Vogl - The Art of Community. They talk about Vogls’ book, The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging (Berrett-Koehler 2016).

I will be honest, apart from a few excerpts, I have not read the book, but I have listened to a few other interviews and YouTube videos by Charles Vogl. Also, I never heard of Mr. Vogl until I came across the Olsen podcast from a third-party source.

The most memorable takeaway is the idea of personal belonging. I thought about my own belonging before but this time, after being introduced to Vogl’s ideas, I began to rethink my own architecture of belonging. I realized that I had misplaced [kind of forgotten about] my ability to design belonging for myself. Let's start with this definition from Dr Kelly-Ann Allen (In Psych 2019 Vol 41 June Issue 3).

Belonging is defined as a unique and subjective experience that relates to a yearning for connection with others, the need for positive regard, and the desire for interpersonal connection (Rogers, 1951). A sense of belonging does not depend on participation with, or proximity to, others or groups. Rather, belonging comes from a perception of quality, meaning, and satisfaction with social connections. Belonging may also relate to a sense of belonging to a place or even an event. It is therefore a complex and dynamic process unique to each person. An absence of belonging has negative and devastating effects on people, both physically and psychologically.

Using the word unique two times is telling of the subjective experience that relates to a yearning for us to belong. Yearning too is related to satisfaction as much as dynamic is related to absence. The amorphous state that reveals just how simple life really is, too often, eludes our understanding. Can I belong to something that is not yet found? Am I a potential founder of a new belonging?

If I reflect on my own sense of belonging, I relate to one of Vogl’s stories in the preface of his book where he stated that he was alone for much of his young adult life. The sadness that accompanies that state is like carrying overstuffed grocery bags two to three blocks to your house. Well then, I need to step a bit deeper into that idea. My purpose is to find my belonging. As long as I am in that ikigai mindset, I will not want to escape to another state. I will be calm and quiet while at the same time allow myself to be ravished by new ideas. That’s where I belong.

I am? Why? Because all I am asking for right now in this life, even at this very moment, is a bit more favor than I have currently been given or able to conjure up for myself. I have made several attempts at trying to get it by creating and or joining but it did not come.

These days I am happy because I can ask for things without feeling guilty in that I might possess more than others. I will not be embarrassed by my wealth. And I will never justify or explain my life to anyone other than my maker and my life partner. In the face of contradiction, if there is no maker, well then, we can just do whatever the hell we want. Fuck it!

The people who are doing whatever the hell they want are like the lost tribes of belonging. Those groups of people are known as Belongings. I am who I am because it is me now. Disrupting Belonging? Reflecting on Why I am? The pair served their purpose. They did, after all, give me my purpose.

My belonging is not finding my community. My community is the group that is looking for their belonging. We are the seekers, the searchers, researchers, and disruptors. The one thing that we are not are fixers. We tear down, you rebuild. Because if we do the hard work for you, you will never learn to stop making the same mistake.