Breaking Down Ghosting - a Guide to Understanding and Managing No Reply.
- spgauci
- Apr 10
- 24 min read
When I first heard the term ghosting used in conversations about social media communication, I had no idea what it actually meant. My mind jumped straight to childhood memories—Casper the Friendly Ghost or the original Ghostbusters from 1984.
But I get it now. It’s called ghosting because it really does feel like someone has vanished from your life—disappearing as quietly and mysteriously as they appeared. Sometimes they fade out slowly. Other times, they just stop responding altogether. No explanation, no goodbye. You see your message has been read—maybe more than once—but there's still no response.
Or worse, they haven’t even opened it. You’re left staring at half-formed thoughts, sitting there unread. So you try again. You delete the message. Start fresh. You wait. Then you send another one. And another. Just one more. The last one. Then the real last one. Still… silence. Nothing.
No reply. No reply. No reply. No reply.
At some point, you realize what’s happened.
You’ve been ghosted. Officially.
I've been reflecting on the all-too-common—and often socially accepted—habit of offering “no reply.” It’s one of those modern quirks that really bothers me. Calling it an “offering” feels off, because what I actually experience is more of an absence, even a withdrawal, rather than a gift.
It’s as if they're saying, “Here, take this nothing and accept it as something—I don’t care if it hurts you because you mean nothing to me.”
That said, I’m willing to acknowledge that silence—whether intentional or not—can be a form of response. But it's a no reply that shuts down connection rather than opening the door to any real understanding between people.
Being abruptly cut off in the middle of a conversation, or someone literally walking away from you, leaving the room, leaving you completely confused about what just happened is perplexing. Maybe not everyone sees how deeply that kind of silence can sting. To me, it feels a lot like being ghosted. And I know I’m not alone, though it is temporary, finding that painful. Being ignored by friends or others can have significant psychological effects, which may vary depending on individual circumstances and personality traits.
There is a wealth of research and articles on this topic, and it's certainly worth exploring from a more academic or evidence-based perspective. However, it's equally important to stay grounded in your personal inner architecture—without turning everything into a mountain of problems or weaving Ghosting into the fabric of your identity. Maintaining a sense of balance and self-assurance is essential for moving forward in life—and, in a way, for freeing yourself from the lingering effects of toxicity.
I’d like to take a short detour from the story to mention something I’ve noticed recently—there’s been a noticeable rise in supposed influencers of all kinds. Many of these social media/personal development celebrities I am referring to seem to fall into an older demographic, generally ranging from their mid-30s to mid-60s. Maybe I am only seeing that grouping because I am amongst them - not as an influencer but as a 60-year-old man.
While they differ greatly in style and message, there seems to be a shared belief among many of them: the idea that "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." First introduced by Jim Rohn and gaining traction in the 1970s and 80s, this concept is clearly experiencing a revival—fitting effortlessly into today’s social media-driven personal development culture. It might be the missing link that connected peoples' selfish behavior to justifying the phenomenon of ghosting.
The Exit Card might read something like: "Ghosting is good for me. It’s an act of self-empowerment and a step toward emotional health. I’m walking away because this person doesn’t serve my well-being or align with my core purpose." You know the script by now — we've heard all the variations.
There are countless habits we could name (and maybe even blame), but in this rant, I’ll stick to just one: the silent shrug of no response. A kind of "F*** you!" lacks any merit—it’s so rude that the person saying it often isn’t even aware of their own bias or the impact it has on another human being. That is, until it happens to them. Then maybe—just maybe—they’ll stop. Or they’ve created a Venn diagram that connects their results and purpose with the people they know and if you are not in their Ikigai, you’re not in at all.
In my experience, even after they’re ghosted or feel the sting of rejection themselves, they rarely pause to reflect. Just like some of us have been hung up on—or have hung up on others—maybe it's simply a lack of emotional visibility, EQ stability, a blind spot, that prevents us from seeing how, in the blink of an eye, deeply we can hurt someone else with a simply tiny action.
Sometimes, when you’ve experienced something repeatedly over time, it can feel as though the layers have accumulated, compounding over time making you seem like a target, a victim, or worse. It may be that unconsciously; you have somehow sowed the seeds yourself and the results are starting to show.
It's a curious ritual—one that isn't passed down through words but through observation. Formed in silence, it is gradually absorbed and quietly woven into our sphere of influence. I refer to it as "consenting disengagement."
This concept echoes "moral disengagement," a term coined by psychologist Albert Bandura (1999), which describes the mental processes we use to justify actions that violate moral standards as acceptable. It also aligns with "covert disengagement," a term introduced by educational researcher and psychologist John Hattie (2009), particularly in his work on visible learning.
These days, ghosting has become so ingrained in our behavior that it no longer feels like a choice. It's as automatic as blinking—something we could stop, but don't, because blinking is a natural, healthy reflex. In the same way, ghosting, I believe, is evolving into a reflex of its own.
Some say that no reply is still a reply. I wholeheartedly agree. That notion ties this reflection together. Choosing not to respond is a decision, and like any habit, it has ripple effects. Whether deliberate or unconscious, silence speaks. It shapes our relationships, reveals expectations, and quietly rewrites the rules of mutual respect.
Here’s an example from an experience I had related to receiving no reply. I sent a text to a friend, who’s a newer acquaintance and former colleague, while he was in town making his rounds. We had lunched a few days before, and he was in town for a few days visiting from abroad.
Hey there, it was great to see you again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I wish you all the best, and I hope we’ll catch up again soon.
I saw that he read my message but didn’t reply. Nothing. Did it hurt? Yes, for a few hours I was puzzled by his lack of response. However, it wasn’t the first time, so I was prepared for it.
Too often, the blame gets pushed onto “the system” itself—Oh sorry, it must have ended up in my spam box... or I meant to respond but lost track of my emails…or…” I was just thinking about you…” How many times have we heard these excuses—or used them ourselves? But in those cases, there is a reply.
What do you do when you are Ghosted? Cut off. Shut Down. No Reply.
Is ghosting a form of bullying? I’d argue no, because bullying involves repeated, unwanted, and aggressive behavior, typically with a power imbalance between the individuals involved. The key difference is the repetition. Ghosting, on the other hand, is usually a one-time event—a person disappeared without explanation. It can be distressing for the person being ghosted, especially if they had different expectations for the relationship, leaving them uncertain and worried about the other person’s feelings or wellbeing. Perhaps a Ghoster has a "ghosting" personality and tends to exhibit bully-like behavior, as they consistently ghost one person at a time.
However, if ghosting is part of a pattern of intentionally harming others or disregarding their feelings for personal gain, it could be indicative of deeper emotional or personality issues. It’s important to look at the broader spectrum of someone's actions rather than boxing in one behavior as sociopathic without considering other factors.
Is Ghosting sociopathic? Ghosting can be seen as a form of avoidance or disengagement, and at times, it may be linked to manipulative or inconsiderate behaviors. However, labeling ghosting as "sociopathic" depends on the context and the motivation. For the person being ignored, it may appear that the one doing the ghosting exhibits sociopathic traits. However, the person who is ghosting might not fully understand the impact of their behavior on the other person or may be dealing with underlying personal issues or preexisting conditions that influence their actions.
Sociopathy, commonly used as a non-clinical term, is often associated with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)—a mental health condition that has a consistent pattern of disregard for the rights of others, violation of social norms, and a lack of empathy or remorse. While "sociopathy" is widely used in popular culture, ASPD is the formal diagnosis recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
An interesting point to ponder is the DSM's inclusion of "violation of social norms" as a trait. If social norms are shifting—such as the growing normalization of "ghosting" —then one could argue that behaviors once seen as violations may no longer be viewed that way. It's definitely mind wrecking if it is framed in the same way. In this sense, ghosting may not constitute a breach of social norms because it is becoming a socially accepted, albeit hurtful, practice.
Social norms change, and behaviors once seen as offensive or inappropriate can become more accepted. Just to frame my point, issues such as same-sex marriage, gender-identity, women working outside the home, public displays of affection, cultural and racial interactions, dress codes, body modifications, discussions about mental health, and corporal punishment in schools and families are all examples of this shift. These changes often reflect broader societal movements toward inclusivity, equality, and a greater understanding of individual rights and well-being.
Ghosting can occur in a variety of situations and people may ghost for different reasons. It might be due to discomfort with confrontation, avoidance of emotional intimacy, or a lack of communication skills. Some people do it out of a sense of self-protection or to avoid conflict. Some people even say, “I’m not ignoring you — I’m just trying to survive you.”
You can do your due diligence and perhaps try to gather some information if you share their social circle, but it's unlikely that you were close enough otherwise you would not have been ghosted — though, of course, that’s not always the case. Ghosting can have real underlying reasons and to be frank, in the realm of one's personal life, it’s none of your business what other people do or not do. Professional settings are another matter to consider and mention.
I don't allow excuses for ghosting or a No reply in professional settings in the recruitment and hiring process. It's truly disgusting that many hiring managers or committees make such decisions without proper thought or consideration for the applicants.
On second thought, perhaps some of them are indeed sociopaths. I’ve seen far too much tolerance for HR practices that cause needless and avoidable harm — not because of a single experience, but more likely because the applicant has faced multiple instances of ghosting or no replies. Over time, it really takes a toll on them as a person.
To clarify, the phrase "only shortlisted applicants will be contacted" is frequently used as a way to assert power and create unnecessary shame, disguised as a standard procedure. While I understand that a single job posting can attract hundreds, if not thousands, of applications, companies should be prepared to manage this volume and establish clear, respectful boundaries (limit submissions) communication with all candidates. More succinctly put, and as my mother often said to me while she wrapped her arms around me in a hug and pinched my foreman as a way for me to not forget... “Be nice!”
No contact or a reply leaves candidates wondering whether their application was even considered or if they made a mistake during the interview process. It’s disappointing when recruiters fail to follow up or simply choose to ignore candidates who made an effort to send a follow up email or made a call. In today’s age of available communication tools, there’s no reason for this to continue. It’s lazy, disruptive, and entirely avoidable and — it hurts people. Unfortunately, it's a form of ghosting that became normalized long before the tech boom of the 1990s and onward to 2025.
Stranger Danger
It's quite sad when you think about how ghosting has become a part of how people relate to each other. Some people—often younger folks—may not think much of it, while others, especially those a bit younger or older than me, struggle to understand how someone could treat another that way, particularly when there seems to be a growing friendship or connection.
The risk lies in trying to figure out what happened. That can be harmful because people can easily create their own assumptions, when, invent truths, in reality, it often has little to do with them. A lot of wasted energy vibrating at needless anxious speeds - far too many beliefs are spent on one’s efforts toward finding an answer.
Unless there are clear issues, such as mental health concerns, remember that the decision to disappear is ultimately up to the person who chose to do so. Call me old fashioned or a grumpy old man or any other iteration of my dated traditional thinking and beliefs, sure, go ahead. As long as I am breathing, I will hold onto decency and kindness toward others and myself.
To clarify, ghosting is a permanent result. I’m not referring to losing touch with someone and then reconnecting, but rather when a relationship ends without communication or resolution. Ghosting occurs when someone turns their back on you, walks away, and refuses to have any further contact and often without meaningful [at least to you] explanation.
To borrow—and gently twist—a line from the great Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” And in the world of ghosting, let’s be real… you may forget the Ghost, but oh, you’ll definitely remember the Ghosting.
What to do if you have been ghosted? And, what to reflect on if you are thinking about being a Ghoster.
Process and Presence AI Transparency From this point forward, this guide unfolds as a tapestry of thought, reflection, and a touch of AI collaboration. The concepts, the essence, the structure—they’re entirely mine. I welcomed AI into the editing process as a kind of editing sparring partner—helping fine-tune the language, polish the formatting, test the flow, and smooth out the rough edges.
After that, I came back to it with fresh eyes—revising, refining, and infusing it with my own rhythm, phrasing, and voice.
What you will read below is the result of that entanglement. My hope is that you don’t just skim the surface but pause… lean in… and let the ideas meet you. Let them reveal something. Let them live in the middle of your Venn diagram, where habits meet purpose, and a new understanding begins to bloom.
A Guide to Understanding and Managing Ghosting
Disclaimer: The information provided in this guide is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. Always consult with a qualified professional before making decisions related to health, finance, mental health/wellbeing or other personal matters.
Definition Ghosting refers to the act of suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation, typically in a relationship or professional setting. It often involves one party ignoring all calls, texts, emails, or other forms of contact without any prior warning or closure. Ghosting can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, or even in professional environments, like job interviews or business dealings (Barnes, S. 2019).
Ghosting can be a confusing and hurtful experience, whether in personal or professional relationships. For some, it may feel trivial, and they may not think much about being ignored. However, what many people fail to realize, or have forgotten, is that we are all human beings—sensitive and emotional, regardless of who we are or what we believe. At the core, we are individuals who deserve respect and understanding.
Ghosting is often considered a passive or immature way of handling conflict or difficult conversations. There are different types of ghosting and ways to manage the emotions and situations surrounding it. The list of types of ghosting I provided is based on general knowledge and not directly sourced from a specific academic article, book, or publication.
Types of Ghosting
Emotional Ghosting: This is when someone stops emotionally engaging in a relationship or conversation without formally ending it, often making the other person feel ignored or abandoned.
Social Ghosting: This occurs in social situations, where one person stops responding to texts, calls, or invitations without providing any reason.
Romantic (Dating) Ghosting: In romantic relationships, one partner suddenly disappears and cuts all ties with the other without giving any closure or explanation.
Friendship Ghosting: When a friend stops contacting or responding to you, essentially disappearing from your life, without offering any explanation for the behavior.
Workplace Ghosting: In professional settings, this can happen when a colleague, employer, or potential employer stops communicating after interviews, meetings, or discussions, leaving the other party hanging.
Digital Ghosting: This specifically relates to online interactions, such as on social media or dating apps, where a person suddenly stops responding or blocks the other person without any prior warning.
10 Tips for Managing Ghosting
CAVEAT: If you are in an abusive relationship or if someone is causing harm to you or others in your life, report the incident to local authorities and seek professional counseling. Your safety and well-being are of the highest priority.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Ghosting can leave you feeling confused, rejected, or even betrayed. It's important to allow yourself to experience these emotions without jumping to conclusions. Keep in mind that ghosting often reflects more about the person doing the ghosting than about you.
It's also crucial not to make any major decisions, whether through email or text, in the heat of the moment. Take some time to sit with your feelings and reflect. While being ghosted can feel significant, for most of us it's not life-threatening [maybe for some yes] and it’s helpful to remember that real, serious threats to your well-being are different from this experience.
I often refer to The Four Agreements (1997) where Don Miguel Ruiz talks about "The Illusion of Personalization." This concept is a key part of the Second Agreement: "Don’t Take Anything Personally."
Here are powerful quotes from the book: "Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves." and again he states, "Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you."
Ruiz explains that when we take things personally, we are assuming that everything is about us — but in reality, people are acting out their own internal "dreams," beliefs, and wounds. That’s the illusion: thinking their behavior is about you, when really, it’s about them.
2. Stepping Back If you’ve been ghosted, avoid chasing after explanations or answers from that person. Take a step back to assess the situation. Avoid bombarding the person with messages or questions; this could make the situation more stressful.
3. Taking It Personally While it’s natural to feel hurt or rejected, ghosting typically reflects more on the person who is disengaging. They might be avoiding confrontation, are unsure how to communicate, or have their own reasons unrelated to you.
4. Giving Time the Attention it Needs - not the Ghoster. Sometimes, people go through personal challenges or are overwhelmed. It’s possible that the person is just taking some space. If you feel comfortable, wait a bit before assuming the worst. However, if the behavior continues, it’s a clear indication of a lack of communication skills or investment.
Buddha emphasized mindfulness in all actions, including communication. Being present, truly listening, and being aware of one's own intentions are seen as essential to harmonious relationships. Silence as Wisdom: Sometimes, silence is the most skillful response. The Buddha himself often stayed silent when a question would not lead to enlightenment or peace.
“If it is not true, not kind, or not necessary, it is better not to say anything at all.” (Buddha)
“Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said now? Does this need to be said now by me?” (Ferguson)
This quote [the Three-Question Rule] is often attributed to Craig Ferguson, the Scottish American comedian and former host of The Late Late Show. Ferguson mentioned in interviews that these three questions helped him decide whether or not to speak—especially when tempted to say something that might be unhelpful or hurtful. It's become a popular bit of wisdom around communication, especially in leadership, interpersonal relationships and conflict resolution situations. Here’s a link to a decent article about the EQ Rule #1: Emotional Intelligence: The 3-Question Rule.
5. 24 Hour Rule In some situations, it's appropriate to send a polite follow-up message if you're uncertain about the status of something, particularly in a professional context. Avoid sounding too casual or friendly, as you both recognize a shift in the dynamics. Of course, this is harder said than done.
Keep your message respectful, neutral, clear, and concise. Add no conditions or threats. If you're planning to reach out, write your message, then wait at least 24 hours before sending it.
Make sure that you check-in with your intention and that your purpose is to connect and keep the line of communication open and not to manipulate the Ghoster. They are expert manipulators and will see it shorty after you click send. Allowing the other person to respond if they choose and not hold you hostage to their silence is a healthy approach.
For example:
"Hello, I hope you're doing well. I wanted to follow up with you and see how you are doing.” Or “Hi, I haven't heard from you in a while. I'm not sure what happened. I do hope you are doing well.”
6. Reflect on the Relationship If ghosting becomes a pattern, it’s a good time to reflect on the relationship (whether personal or professional). Consider whether this relationship was fulfilling or healthy. Sometimes, ghosting is a way to avoid dealing with a difficult conversation or uncomfortable truth, but it can also signal an unhealthy dynamic that might be better ended.
In many cultures, being overly direct can lead to a loss of face. In cultures like Thai and other Asian societies, avoiding conflict is not just common but deeply ingrained in the generational social fabric. It's a long-standing belief, so much so that someone from a different cultural background might interpret it as rude, suspicious or hurtful. Losing a face is akin to embarrassment—either embarrassing yourself, someone else, or those around you because of your actions.
After spending 25 years immersed in these cultures, I can confidently say that being overly direct or emotional often results in losing face. Could ghosting be a byproduct of this cultural tendency? It would certainly make for a fascinating study on human behavior that isn't necessarily rude; it's simply a way of avoiding the loss of face.
It's important to remember that this is a two-way street. If you're someone who isn't used to being direct or who fears losing face, and you're considering ghosting someone who may not share that same perspective, stop and think about the impact on that person.
I believe cultural differences should never be used as an excuse for unkindness—though that's just my personal view. There's a well-known saying, often linked to the Dalai Lama: "If you cannot help them, at least do not harm them." It’s a powerful reminder that even when we can’t fully understand someone, we can still choose not to cause harm. The beautiful thing about kindness is that it costs nothing, yet it often yields generous returns.
The principle of "do no harm" is a fundamental ethical value that applies in various contexts, such as healthcare, relationships, and everyday interactions. I truly wish celebrity influencers would promote this principle instead of focusing on eliminating people who don't align with their goals. That behavior seems more like harmful indoctrination than fostering collective reasoning and empathy. Of course, it’s not healthy to stay in an unhealthy relationship. However, there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to bring that connection to an end.
7. Forward with Respect If ghosting becomes a regular pattern, it's important to move forward with dignity. Let go of the need for external closure and focus on nurturing relationships that are present and supportive. Maintain respect for yourself and others by not chasing after those who don’t offer the same level of interest.
I’ve personally lived through an experience that mirrors the deep emotional weight of ghosting. While it may not be traditional ghosting, it absolutely falls into that painful No Reply territory—an experience that tore me apart and continues to leave a gap in my understanding and perception of a 50-year friendship.
It came in the form of a single text from my best friend of five decades: “There were some good years and some fun, but the last few years have been particularly difficult. Don’t call, write, or text.” That was the last message I ever received from him around 2017. In this blog, I open up about what happened and how it affected me: “Don’t Call, Write, or Text.” My Best Friend Broke Up with Me. Now What?
8. Establish Boundaries In both personal and professional relationships, it’s important to establish clear communication boundaries. This can be done at any time and is recommended that you revisit them periodically to ensure they align with your current life. While it may seem structured or lacking spontaneity, having clear boundaries puts you in a proactive state rather than a reactive one. Remember, life is a bit like a game, and not having a game plan can lead to negative outcomes affecting your overall wellbeing. You are in control of your life - do not give your consent to others.
Be honest about how you like to engage with others. If someone ghosts you, see it as an opportunity for growth and reflection. Use it as feedback to strengthen your boundaries in future relationships, so you can avoid similar situations. Instead of reacting with bitterness or adopting a sabotaging mindset, try to learn from the experience.
Reflect on any patterns in your behavior that may unintentionally signal how you expect to be treated. This isn’t about self-blame, but rather about gaining a deeper understanding of who you are, your habits, and what you truly value. It’s remarkable how often we unknowingly give others the permission to treat us in certain ways.
9. Seek Support It can be helpful to talk to friends, family, or a counselor about your experience, especially if ghosting has caused significant distress. They can offer a fresh perspective, emotional support, and help you process your feelings.
While friends and family may have good intentions and offer needed love and kindness, their emotional connection with you may compromise your healing process. It’s still a healthy step to talk to friends and family but be mindful that their support may not fully address your pain beyond kind words over coffee, a needed hug in the park or a well-meaning “feel better soon” card.
However, if the pain and stress are deeply affecting you, I recommend seeking professional help. It may not be lengthy and costly sessions over many months but more of a short-term purposeful intervention. Your needs and plan can be talked about in the initial consultation. A professional can help you adjust the pain and create deliberate strategies for managing life.
10. Letting Go To is a Skill
When people say, "let it go," they usually mean stop fixating on something, particularly if it's creating stress or frustration. Similarly, the phrase “get over it!” can be helpful in understanding the point of overthinking. It's about letting go of negative emotions, limiting beliefs, obstacles, grudges, or attachments to situations, people, or outcomes that are beyond your control.
The goal is to find peace by releasing things that may be hindering your growth and happiness. Letting go is a skill, much like learning how to walk, riding a bike, brushing your teeth, or developing study habits and a work ethic. No one is born knowing how to let go - it’s not blinking - but maybe with practice it can become as instinctive as that.
Here are a few tips to help guide you with letting go. These steps are a fluid interconnected process—letting go of hurt is not always immediate, but each step brings you closer to emotional consent. Shifting your focus from external social designs to your internal architecture will support the development of a habit of healthy letting go.
Acknowledge Feelings Allow yourself to feel hurt, but don't let it define you. You are not just what you feel at this moment. There are many aspects that make up your humanity. If hurt is driving your actions, pause, adjust, or change your approach so that it aligns with a more consistent and healthy way of being.
Reflect on the Bigger Picture Hurt is often a temporary reaction to a specific event. Ask yourself if holding onto it is worth sacrificing your peace of mind. Sometimes, seeing the larger context helps you realize that letting go can be empowering. If you want to feel something different, you may need to do something different and get different results for your life.
Your Locus of Control Forgiveness doesn’t always require reconciling with the person who caused you pain—it’s about releasing yourself from the weight of that hurt. The pain remains within us only as long as we give it space to stay, and sometimes, that’s necessary—for a time. Forgiveness is just as much about your own healing as it is about choosing to let go. You don’t need an explanation or closure from the one who hurt you. Your healing isn’t tied to the Ghoster—it’s yours, and it's entirely in your hands.
Your Locus of Consent You can't change what happened, but you can control how you respond. By focusing on what’s within your life, like your actions, thoughts, and emotions, you take back your consent and stop allowing hurt to hold you hostage. This takes practice and sadly, for you to own it, it might need a few incidents to see it clearly.
Self-Compassion Be kind to yourself. Healing is a process, and it's important to go at your own pace. Show yourself the same compassion you would extend to a friend facing similar challenges. Avoid underestimating the experience and instead focus on staying present with yourself.
I highly recommend avoiding rushing to the finish line, as being ghosted can be an incredibly painful experience. Although, there's no right or wrong timeline - it's your life and your decision - my last recommendation for self compassion is to be mindful of obsessive and perseverating thoughts. If you are in that zone, seek help.
Unlike time, Feelings are not Inventions Some wounds heal naturally with time. Be patient with yourself and trust that the intensity of your pain will fade. Give yourself permission to move forward, even if it’s one day at a time.
Surround Yourself with Support and Help Others Sometimes, hearing different perspectives can help you release hurt and create closure. Sometimes reaching out to others and helping them (volunteer somewhere) is a wonderful life-giving source that can provide essential nutrients to feed your own hunger for healing.
One of my favorites is The Serenity Prayer written by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1930s. It is widely known for its association with 12-step recovery programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), but Niebuhr originally wrote it as part of a sermon. The revised and shortened version is commonly known as:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."
Niebuhr's words have resonated deeply across various communities, with me too for over 45 years after my sister gave a prayer card to me as a gift when I was a teenager offering comfort and strength in the face of life's challenges at that time; it has even developed into an incantation for me.
How to Prevent and Manage Ghosting in Your Own Life
Communicate Openly
If you're feeling unsure about a situation or need some space, it's important to communicate that with the other person. Clear communication helps prevent confusion and hurt feelings. Remember, we are always communicating through our behavior, words, what is said, what's left unsaid, and what is done or not done.
This can be amplified when cultural or belief differences exist in a relationship - we often cause offence to people when we didn't even know that our action is offensive because we lack knowledge about what may or may not hurt someone.
In a newer relationship, the other person might not want to engage in endless back-and-forth texting or may even avoid meeting up to talk things through. It's possible that you've hurt them, and they're acting on their own feelings, such as not prioritizing you among the top five people they spend time with. While this hurt is pulsating and creates insecurity and puzzlement, it also offers a sense of relief.
Set Expectations Early
Be clear about your availability, intentions, and what you're comfortable with in any relationship (personal or professional). It’s your life and you are solely accountable for your actions. I once dated a girl who expected me to send her a selfie every morning and every night. I remember asking, “What are selfies?” and when she explained, I told her, “I’m not going to do that, and I don’t expect you to send me a selfie every day either.” That relationship didn’t last too long, but at least we were clear about our expectations.
Be Honest
If you feel the need to step away or that the relationship isn't working, it's far better to communicate that honestly than to simply disappear. Most people welcome honesty, even when it's hard to hear. It's often through that honesty that someone can begin to let go, heal, and come to understand that even life's disappointments will carry meaning.
By being open and sincere, you won’t become a ghost in their life, but rather a visible human being who chose to end things with thoughtfulness and respect.
Final Thoughts
From my own experience, I can share that being ghosted is anything but pleasant. I also want to make it clear that I've never intentionally set in motion any course of events that would justify ghosting anyone. I’ve never done it and it is highly unlikely that I will be a Ghoster. I simply believe ghosting is incredibly rude, immature and unnecessary. That's it—no virtue signaling or bragging about healthy habits, just a straightforward truth.
While ghosting can be a painful experience, it's important to handle it with grace and understanding. By acknowledging your emotions, seeing "ghosting" or a lack of response as feedback, and prioritizing open communication, you can navigate the emotional complexities of being ghosted—and, more importantly, move toward a healthier mindset.
I’m still amazed—sometimes overwhelmed—by both the quantity and the (not always intentional) quality of choices we have out there.
In today’s world, where having power means having consent over what you consume, it feels more important than ever to be intentional with your digital diet. It’s not just about food anymore—it’s about the content we allow into our minds.
Now that I have a better understanding of ghosting in social media communication, it's refreshing to uncover the deeper meaning behind it. My mind keeps exploring its many variations and interpretations—how it's portrayed by production companies and artists, signaled through specific visuals or sounds, or even woven into the very design of online platforms. Ghosting has become a digital cultural phenomenon. I believe it's here to stay—and, if we allow it, to grow and multiply.
Honestly, I’m not too happy about this happening in anyone’s lifetime. As it stands, ghosting and no-reply culture is already causing real harm. I’d hate to imagine what it might look like by the third or sixth generation. I may not be around by then, but I still recognize that my actions and choices today could have some impact on future generations. That’s not ego or self-importance—it’s just basic human mechanics and community-minded thinking.
I get it now. It’s called ghosting because you decide that there is a person in your life that is not worth your time. That’s a brutal realization. You start to fade—sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. No explanation. No closure. Just silence. Maybe you check your phone and see no new messages. Maybe you check again. Still nothing.
What’s worse? They haven't been deleted. Their name is still there, and your last message still lingers—half-written, unread. You don’t delete it. Not yet. You tell yourself you'll give it one more try. Then another. The last one. The real last one. Still... nothing.
And in that moment, you realize, you were the one doing the ghosting all along.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596
Angelou, M. (n.d.). People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7615
Bandura, A. (1999). Moral disengagement in the perpetration of inhumanities. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 3(3), 193-209.
Barnes, S. (2019, September 10). The psychology of ghosting: Why people stop responding and how it affects us. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/words-matter/201909/the-psychology-of-ghosting
Hattie, J. (2009). Visible learning: A synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to achievement. Routledge.
Gauci, S. (2021, October 12). Don’t call, write, or text: My best friend broke up with me. Now what? Integrated Wellbeing For You. https://www.integratedwellbeingforyou.com/post/don-t-call-write-or-text-my-best-friend-broke-up-with-me-now-what
Gauci, S. (2025, April 9). Types of ghosting [Personal communication].
Libman, D. (2021, August 20). The 3-question rule. Libman Education. https://libmaneducation.com/the-3-question-rule/
Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom. Amber-Allen Publishing.
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