Be Nice to Each Other. Speaking at my son's Wedding.

A few weeks ago I was honored by being able to speak at my son’s wedding. At age 26, I thought he was marrying too young. However, I also knew that he was the kind of man who, once he made up his mind, was unstoppable because he already processed the options from many angles. He was a planner. I am proud of him. I am lucky to have him as a son.

At age 59, I did not share my reservations about marriage with him but instead I offered my support and love for him and his fiancé of five plus years. I had three minutes to speak. Of course I took more than that, Afterall, I am the father of the groom. I struggled with what to write.

At first I was writing about being an adult, acting as a grown up and being wise, and being in a lifetime partnership as an essential ingredient for lifelong health and happiness. That idea felt more fake than a boxed cake because it was not from my own experience.

After purposeful reflection, I realized that to be able to construct my message, I would need to plagiarize others' lives and add their distinctive story arc to my story. Nope. That would be a lie.

There will be many people in the room, including my ex-wife, her boyfriend, my girlfriend and my ex's siblings and my former nieces and nephews from my ex’s side; amongst many others from my past and previous life. Also, my two kids will be there and my own family; namely, my amazing three sisters and my nieces and nephews plus all of the brides family will be in on the listening.

On that day, I knew the x-factor would take on a whole new meaning for me, other’s too. But what thread will carry me onward in that moment, while at the same time giving something of value to my son and his lovely bride. What would be the one thing that I can say that comes from my own life and my own learning and is relatable.

Being sincere was easy. Composing truthful sentiments was more important because most people at the wedding, listening to the father of the groom’s speech, knew my back story.

There was no possibility that I could create fiction or even creative nonfiction. They will be looking and listening and know when I am being honest, or not. The curtain will be pulled back. There’s no façade. In layman's terms, I cannot bullshit my way through this one.

For this blog, below is a copy of the speech I made at my son’s wedding. I know you cannot get a sense of the room or the audience but let’s just say, with humility, that I nailed it.

You could hear a pin drop. There were tears. There was so much silence that I almost broke my own focus so that I could ad-lib a sarcastic break or for a brief moment I considered making a joke. I did not not do that.

I read the room. I knew that after a few seconds, I had them all, and started talking. For purposes of privacy I changed the names of the attendees mentioned in the speech.

Welcome to the wedding - make sure everyone has a drink for a TOAST to the bride.

My name is Simon, I am the father of the groom. It is my honor to be able to speak here today.

Since I became a father, I have been waiting to say that line for a long time. Next, I will be the father of the bride. Look out Mary and Harry, I am watching you.

You might not know me but you know the groom and bride. Before I start, there are a few people to thank.

The event and venue host team, thanks for having us. Unaware of the details, from what I can see, the nuptial moving parts came together perfectly.

Many of you are from this town, out of town, out of province and even out the country, thanks for joining us. I am sure that for Frank and Liz, you are all out of this world.

Being here today shows us all that you support these two good people. Thank you for being here.

A special thanks to Gary and Jen for hosting this incredible day - its intention is, well, matrimonial…and its generosity is seen all around us. Thank you.

You have raised a terrific daughter, from what I know and have seen myself, she is kind, has a terrific sense of humor and she is patient.

When I look at this man, for the person he is, genuine pride and respect about who he is ignites a fatherly love and admiration.

I am a lucky man.

We see the world differently - and that's a good thing. When we prove each other wrong we hold each other in the highest regard. I think we did that part perfectly. Thank you for being a brilliant son.

Andrea, do you remember the day he opened the front door on Glenashton, and took off down the sidewalk running toward the park?

Who could have known on that day, when he was barely two years of age, with rocks rolling around inside his mouth, the ones he scooped up from the public garden, that his passion for agriculture would be born on that day. There was no stopping him then and there’s no stopping him now. Who wants to anyway? Thank you, Andrea, for doing such a great job with him. It’s been an honor to serve with you.

I looked it up and tradition states that I’m supposed to offer some kind of advice.

I’ll give you the same advice that my mother gave me, a lot. It’s the best advice I know because sadly, most of the time I did not listen to her but now I am listening to her and taking action. So, I know it works. It’s not bullet proof. It just works.

She said to me, be nice to each other. What does it mean to be nice?

We all know exactly what nice looks like, smells like, tastes like, feels like and sounds like.

It is not source code, or a cipher, not EV or AI R&D. It is more advanced than those things. Being nice is human.

Sometimes it’s hard to choose to see that the person who you need to be nice to, right now, is with you; you are each other’s champion.

Both of you are on your team.

You are each other’s partner…when life’s game suddenly changes its demand and the goal posts have been moved again, turn to each other…not away and not against…but side-by-side,

Say the two words out loud…be nice.

When you don’t feel like being nice…that is your life telling you what you must do.

I love you both.

Liz, welcome to the family…TOAST…to the bride.